Do you ever wonder if God is real? I know I do, on occassion. And I was thinking at one point yesterday…what if he isn’t and we all go around letting people step all over us and thinking we’re all special because we do – and WHAT IF he isn’t real?
Have you ever had a VERY LENGTHY trial? Ours is going on SIX YEARS. To me it feels like an eternity and quite honestly I am getting very angry and frustrated. At God. Have you ever been where I am? It really isn’t a very good place to be. Every now and then I toss around the thought of “What if God isn’t real” – I mean we really have no PROOF that he is…it is only based on faith. So, as this trial is continuing and our prayer isn’t being answered…my faith is getting tested and sometimes I falter.
I am also finding that my prayer life is suffering – when it should be growing. I should be praying more but I am praying less. (More signs of the stress I am feeling. Another NOT GOOD sign.) I don’t like it. I don’t like where I am right now but I don’t know how to get out either. I have tried different online Bible studies but that isn’t working. I’ve tried online Scripture groups and that doesn’t work. I am not reading my Bible as much as I used to either. It’s sad times, let me tell you. Why? Because I am angry with God. I didn’t start this way. I started strong. But after six years, I’m worn down and I’m tired. I’m frustrated and I’m angry. Most of all, I am confused.
I’m not saying I’ve lost my faith nor that I don’t believe God is real. I’m saying I’m having a REALLY tough time with this very lengthy test. I *WANT* to be strong and have unwavering faith. But unfortunately the last six months or so, my faith has wavered. I am tired.
I am not proud of what I am sharing today. It does not make me feel good.
But I am praying the Lord will lead ladies to this post who will be able to lend some good solid Biblical advice (been there, done that [BTDT] would be helpful…and not an “I was almost there” but an “I was there and this is how I made it through with Christ”). I have people around me who say different things about how they have BTDT, but they haven’t, really, they just “almost had”…which with my mindset right now, just doesn’t cut it. It actually adds to my frustration.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post that comes straight from my heart…and if you can help, or are where I am…let us pray for one another and offer each other some good advice, if we can.
Let us lean on each other.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 – 10